Then and Now
by xbecbebex
Summary: Lots of things have changed over the years. But, many of them have not.


**Author's Note: A quick one shot for you faithful readers out there. Sooner or later, I'll update Golden Girl.**

**DISCLAIMER: Still don't own Gossip Girl. Pity.**

THEN:

He remembers the first time he ever laid eyes on her. She seemed out of place amongst the wild teenagers thrashing around in the crowd. He closed his eyes and continued to belt out the song, his voice raw and true. His fingers strummed at the guitar fast as lightning. When he opened his eyes again, she was still there. Her blonde hair, a halo around her beautiful face. Her eyes were closed and she was rocking her head gently to the song. He wanted to rush through the set and meet her already, but they still had an hour on stage. He rolled his eyes to the heavens and prayed quickly that she'd find him after the show. She did.

NOW:

He can't believe his eyes. She's standing right there. In his studio. Living and breathing. If he reached out, he could touch her. Instantly harsh words are escaping those beautiful lips, the ones he used to kiss till they were red and swollen. Warnings? About his son and her daughter? He should have known she'd come prancing back into his life. He looks into her eyes and is startled by the trouble he sees. She looks away quickly. And then leaves his life yet again.

THEN:

The first time he kissed her, she felt like she was going to throw up. Or faint. Or cry. She was so nervous, couldn't he feel her shaking? As she opened her lips to him, he lowered her onto the couch and all her nerves went away. Being with Rufus Humphrey was the best damn feeling in the world, and she had to enjoy this kissing. It was heaven on earth. He pulled away after a few chaste moments, and she was the one who greedily reached for him and reclaimed his lips with hers. She'll never forget the feeling of his smile against hers.

NOW:

He kisses her just like he did all those years ago and she feels the same silly emotions. He pulls away and looks instantly apologetic. She doesn't know if that kiss was indeed just to help her get Bart Bass back or if it was bottled up lust that he had held in since that night she left him. Either way, it shook her to the core. She watched him pick up two glasses of alcohol and didn't bother thanking him, she just downed it instantly. He raised his eyebrows in amusement and walked away.

THEN:

He could feel Cece's disproval right away, it was flowing off of her in waves. Lily tried so hard to cover it up, by being overly loving and caring. But nothing made up for the … What exactly was it? Pity? No. Disgust? That seemed about right. At the table, she took his calloused hand in hers under the table, her eyes flashing apologies. He nodded briefly and turned his attention to his food and not spilling it on his wrinkled hand me downs.

NOW:

He listens to his son complaining about Serena's grandmother. Little does Dan know, Rufus can relate to every little detail. It's then that he knows he hates the woman. She destroyed the relationship between Rufus and Lily and now is trying to destroy his son's happiness. All because of money. People like that disgusted him. Yet, it was always around him.

THEN:

When she suggests running away together, he vows he'll be packed within seconds. She giggles and grins, and assures him she was only joking. But secretly, she logs it in the back of her mind. Rufus would do anything for her, including giving up his possible music career. That made her dizzy with delight. She leans across the bed and wraps her arms around his neck, drawing him close for a tender kiss. He puts down his writing pad and his guitar and pulls her the rest of the way. That night inspired 4 songs that Rufus wrote the next day. He couldn't stop the words pouring out his love for Lily, and he didn't want to either.

NOW:

He stands waiting, waiting for the love of his life to come away with him for however long she'll stay. A part of him knows however that she probably won't show. When she doesn't, there is pain he has never felt before. An undeniable sadness takes over his soul and he wearily sits down on a bench. She let him down before, she left him before, why did he think that this time would be any different?

THEN:

Her eyes close against the pain and she can't seem to focus on anything. She wants to scream out and say that she didn't mean what she just said and that she loves him- oh how she loves him! She hears his heavy breathing, hears him snort in disbelief. He says something about that Van der Woodsen guy and how they'll be perfect together with their trust funds and lots of money. He never mentions happiness.

NOW:

When she leaves him this time, he's ready for it. There are too many obstacles in the way for it to have worked anyway. It's not a surprise either. Besides when he looks at Dan and Serena, he'd never want to separate that kind of happiness. That kind of love. It happened to him, it made him unhappy, he could never subject his son to that. So, he hides his pain and pours his love into his family and making sure his daughter smiles and his son is happy. They're all he has left.

**Author's Note: Read and review please!!**


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